Tour of Homos: New Order

New Order is an old throwback.

And by that, I mean New Order is full of old people in danger of throwing their backs out. Jonathan Joseph and I were warned about that before we went so there was no a shock. And if you set your expectations appropriately (average age being "sock hop attendees") then you'll have a pretty good time. Jonathan Joseph and I spoke with one older gentleman that regaled us with tales of yore. Apparently, the bar was once much bigger and hosted the likes of now-fading legend Diamond Lil. It was a little sad to hear because looking around the small bar hidden in the back of this strip mall there were maybe six people there. It was Jonathan Joseph, myself, our new friend, another guy his age (who seemed ... sick, to say it politely), and two skeezy looking guys in their 40's. It appears as though it's those comparatively younger guys who are the slimeballs you need to look out for.

So that was my impression of the place when I went into the loo and saw a flyer for "Open Mike Night." At first, I thought an open Mike sounds delicious. I hadn't had a fresh, bloody meal in weeks. But it turns out they meant "Open Mic Night." A few inquiries with the bartender and we discover you can get up to the microphone and do anything you want. My sights are, naturally, set on angsty poetry.

Okay, you guys? Open Mike Night at New Order? Best kept secret the septuagenarians are keeping! When you ask your pop-pop how he's doing and he starts complaining about his dotageitis flaring up, you can be assured that what he's not telling you about is the round of applause he got for his rendition of My Funny Valentine accompanied on the keyboard by the fabulous June. You see, Open Mike Night at New Order is so much more than a microphone and 3 awkward people. There's quite the crowd gathered to see June on the keyboard, a drummer, and a gal on sax as well. These geezers get up there and croon jazz standards - or occasionally an oldie - like you fuckin' paid for it! ... well, compared to the standard karaoker anyway. But the whole vibe is very 50's cool. It's quite possible there's nothing else in the city like it. And I bet June has some stories to tell!

It's true what they say, we really can learn a lot from our elders. Like how to live life in style.