The Diptera Resistance: A One-Act Play

On an undisclosed stagnant pool of water in Boysen State Park, a colony of mosquitoes gather. Slowly, an older mosquito with a swollen belly ambles towards the podium.


Mosquito Leader: I now call to order the Wyoming Mosquito Fraternal Society meeting on July 12th, 2009. Thank you all for being here. And a special thanks to Buzz Schlessinger, whose wife, Laura, made those delicious Beef Krispy Treats you're all suckling on.

Mosquito Crowd: [smattering of applause] "Juicy," "Very nice," "Thanks, Buzz!," "Mine dripped on my pants," etc.


Leader: Hopefully, you've all had a chance to read over the minutes from the last meeting. I'd now like to propose a motion to approve them.

Skeeter: Motion seconded.

Leader: Any objections?

Mosquito Crowd: [pervasive quietness] "Nope," "Cough," "Gross, I still smell like citronella from last night," etc.

Leader: Ok, motion moved. June minutes approved. Now, I'd like to turn the floor over to Pierce Zancudos, our new President of the Neighborhood Watch. Pierce?

Pierce: Thank you very much, your corpulence. I'd also like to thank all of you for giving me this opportunity. As you all know, I ran on a platform of tightening security. This evening, I would like to really focus on the human threat. These giant mammals put us and our families at risk. We've been at their mercy for too long. I say they do NOT belong in our air space!

Mosquito Crowd: [scattered cheering] "Here here!," "Fight, not flight!," "Screw the terrorist scum!," "Aw, I think they're kinda cute," etc.

Leader: Okay, okay. Settle down everyone. I think it is safe to assume that the majority here would like to see these security initiatives enforced. Pierce, do you have any proposed plans?

Pierce: I do. I feel, and I know I've heard this from many of you as well, that to really show these humans we mean business we need to make an example of one. I'm talkin' 'bout really pooling our resources here and running someone into town and out of our park!

Mosquito Crowd: [vociferous hooting] "You're damn right!," Suck 'em dry!," "Wildlife 4 eva!," "Sorry I'm late," etc.

Leader: Alright! Alright. So we make an example of someone. Let's talk about a plan of action.

Pierce: Absolutely, Sir Sucker. We'll split into three squadrons. Buzz, you will lead the ear brigade. The louder, the better. Meanface McFats, you take our Eye Boys out. Be sure to bulk up with some protein shakes before take off. And finally, I will be leading the biggest squadron, the blood mobilizers. We'll be jabbing out proboscis into every square millimeter of human skin exposed.

Leader: Fantastic. So who is our target?

Pierce: For that, I turn to our Senior Security Advisor. Gnate?

Gnate: Thank you, Mr. President. Our most recent intel indicates there are two new trespassers in our borders. They came in a large wheeled fortress but are currently unprotected. Field agents report they are extremely loud and brazen in their taunts. These two humans are proclaiming how much they love it in our lands. Even going so far as to mention moving in here.

Mosquito Crowd: [rampant booing] "Not in our air!, "We mustn't kow-tow to their demands!," "Out for blood!," "Has any tried sprinkling sage in their blood? It's fabu!," etc.

Leader: Then it's settled, we attack at once! GO! GO! GO!

---

Amelia: Wow, this place is so beautiful.

Edith: I know. I think I'd put my house there by the water.

Amelia: Huh, did it just get buggy?

Edith: There does seem to be a lot of mosquitoes suddenly.

Amelia: Good lord, they're relentless. And holy crap, I think they're organized. RUN!