Tuesday, August 4, 2009

The Non-Gay San Fransisco

I know! I'm surprised too. I went to San Fransisco and the only thing gay I have to report is my crush on our adorable host, another old friend of Edith's. He was like Thumper with sex appeal (is dog on bunny still considered beastiality?). Instead of a day of homobauchery, it turned out to be a really classy day of fine drinking.


We started north of the city in Napa Valley. We found a little winery named Bouchaine down some winding vineyard encased roads. Everything from the grapevines to the breeze was gorgeous. Neither Edith nor I had been to a wine tasting prior to this. Truth be told, I do not have a particularly advanced palate. I don't know what undertones are and I've never once used the word "earthy" to describe what was in my mouth. Oh, except for when I was a puppy and I ate dirt simply because I was too lazy to go inside to get actual food. ... Huh, I never noticed this before but that's exactly how I ended up sleeping with most of the people on my Been There list.

My relative ignorance didn't matter, however. Our pourer lady was friendly and informative and educated me quite a bit. For instance, did you know there are only three types of grapes allowed in champagne? Chardonnay, pinot noir, and pinot meunier. Well, you probably did. But I didn't. I also didn't have champagne, but we did have the wines made from those three types of grapes. I picked up hints of deliciousness and subtle notes of 13% alcohol by volume. After we had way more peaceful happiness than either of us could stand, we drove into the city to meet up with Thumper.

As it happens, one of the new trends in San Fransisco is a trend that I happen to fully endorse (Hint: It's not handlebar mustaches, so stop trying to make that happen, you skinny hipster fucks). It's exquisite cocktails. There are also a few places in Atlanta that employ mixologists and are bringing back Prohibition era, handmade cocktails. I'm talking drinks that involve egg whites or basil or white whiskey. I'm a big fan. Seeing as how I don't particularly like my drinks sugary I was never able to lap up a frozen bahama coladarita at TGI Fridays, but the usual blank on the rocks or martini was getting a bit boring. I often find myself jazzed when a bar has cocktail onions for a gin gibson because at least onions in my martini gives the illusion of variety. Also? I f'in love cocktail onions. Now that I can go to a bar and order a cocktail made with absinthe or bacon-infused bourbon, Dot Martix's Alcoholic Alarm is sounding more than ever. It's great!

I had a great time in San Fransisco trying the many cocktails at the two places Thumper took us. I would tell you the names and give a more detailed review, but, honestly, I don't remember the names and any attempt at reviews I've written are more boring than this post so I'll spare you. I will, however, mention that thanks to San Fran and Thumper I discovered a new liquor and that excites me to no end. It's called genever and, as it was described to me, is halfway between whiskey and gin. I was skeptical since that description makes no sense, but once you try it you realize it's somehow true. Genever is a dutch liquor made with juniper that the English evolved into gin as we know it. Sort of a proto-gin. So although I don't have all the palatey words to talk about it, I'm glad for the non-gay education I got in drinking that day. Next visit, though, I'm gonna fuck my way through the Castro until I'm the Grand Marshall of the Pride Parade.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mia you so rule!

Anonymous said...

oh this is Diana by the way and my cat smokey loves you! Bitty kind of hates you but she is a bitch not really a female dog she's a cat but you know...(no ofense to you though) LOL